I don’t think it is selfish but it could be seen as passive-aggressive. What you count is sad and is a good picture of privilege: privileged men who "don’t mean it badly" but still don’t work to make other’s lives better. It sucks. Yet we have to use our voices, talk about problems with honesty to blow up some bubbles and resolve that which is stressing us inside instead of creating an extra barrier. I mean did you stop offering the drinks and started feeling great or are you carrying this issue with you as you walk around?